In our travels across the internet, the Obtuse Panda team frequently comes across hidden treasures that we feel we need to share. Kubi and I went back and forth with some emails about this frickin magnificent clip of one of our favorite things on the internet, Alex Jones. Enjoy.

CD: I know you fancy yourself a professional internetsman, so I’ll assume you’ve been made aware of the world wide web’s greatest offering to date – This video of Alex Jones on Joe Rogan’s podcast from a few months ago.

I’d assumed that everyone was aware of Jones at this point, but much to my delight, I’ve been able to enlighten a few people about him over the past couple of weeks. There are a lot of great videos of him going hard, but to me this one takes the cake. He’s calmer and more composed here than he generally is on his own show, showing his range as a professional ranter.

Let’s dissect.

JK: Does anything sum up this excerpt from the JRE better than this?

I believe I quote Silky Johnson when I say, “What can be said about *Alex Jones* that hasn’t already been said about Afghanistan? He looks bombed out and depleted.” I couldn’t possibly listen to 12th dimension philosophy from a man who hasn’t yet mastered the art of wearing a pair of headphones. Jones really shows off his Bark Louder mentality to a point that seemed to get on Rogan’s nerves.

My greatest fear in life isn’t that I’ll be wrong – it’s that I’ll be wrong and Alex Jones will be right. I’m not even sure what to file this rant under. Conspiracy theory? I don’t see the difference between what Jones is preaching and what the bum on the corner is saying mid-crack high. The only difference is one is paid handsomely to do so on TV/Radio for millions of listeners.

In other news – Pizzagate lives on! Also, I look forward to the day when we can stop adding gate to the end of everything. For now I guess we’ll let the 5 million dollar man (Jones’ net worth) have his fun?

“This is an inter-dimensional force that wants to influence us to build something that absorbs us and kills us”

CD: I paused it on that shot of Rogan at least a dozen times. It really says something that, “Pedophiles and psychic vampires that are in control of this AI system” is what finally gets Rogan to stop this maniac. He listened to three and a half minutes of this coked out, no-show dad on the patio of a Margaritaville in Fort Meyers, and what finally got him to chime in was, psychic vampires controlling the AI that is managing the human species from some other dimension. Rogan’s tolerance for bullshit is almost as impressive as his tolerance for weed.

Perhaps the craziest thing happening here is Rogan’s compliance in Jones’ crimes against reality. Rogan doesn’t ask who these pedophiles and psychic vampires are, but how they got control, at which point we hear from our third and final guest, noted conspiracy theorist and mixed martial artist afficianado, Eddie Bravo, who notes simply, “They rule”, and assures that they get their power from Satan. I think.

I’m glad you noticed his headphone malfunctions. I can’t decide if the headphones are just not the right size, or if he’s receiving interstellar communications through them in real-time and he needs to adjust them to make sure he’s hearing it correctly.

“There’s a sub-transmission zone below the third dimension… and it’s trying to get up into the third dimension which is just a basic level of consciousness”

JK: Rogan has had his fair share of undesirables on the show before and has definitely entertained a variety of far out theories and ideas so his making it three and a half minutes comes as no surprise by me. I’m not getting so hung up on Rogan’s acceptance as much as I am Jones’. I can’t help but wonder what else we can convince Alex Jones is true. I can picture him as a 5th grader not letting anyone go down the big slide during recess without listening to why he thought Santa was not only real but Jesus Christ reborn.

Really surprised he apologized for pushing Pizzagate. I was hoping to see that get pushed all the way to the top. He probably had a script written with hints of JFK ready to be sent off to Oliver Stone. It’s too bad really – could you imagine this happening 30 years ago and the late great John Candy man could play Alex Jones?

jonah hill alex jones

CD: I know we all gotta sit here and act like Oliver Stone is some Untouchable, but let’s give it a few years before we give up on, “Pizzagate” starring Jonah Hill.

I can’t get over his mannerisms. He’s sitting down, but has to constantly adjust his position like he’s experiencing a mild earthquake under his undoubtedly cottage cheese ass. But the real star of the show is his vernacular.

The best I can tell, Jones watches the same news as everyone else – He sees that tech companies are creating AI, and he sees that Elon Musk is talking about going to space, and he sees the preferential treatment that the wealthy get. But then something happens. He takes that information and parses it all through his never-ending DMT trip of an existence and comes back on the other side with, humans are in the fifth dimension and Satan is plotting to keep them from leveling up.

JK: In regards to his mannerisms – He probably has one of those desk treadmills just to keep his feet moving in his office. His brain runs at the speed of light and so do his feet DAMNIT!

Speaking of DMT – have you ever really met anyone that’s done it that you want to be more than acquaintances with? I know certain celebrities have touted their experience but they definitely lead different lives. I’m a pretty open-minded fellow but every time I meet someone with real experience all I think is “That makes sense for you.”

alex jones headphones

CD: I don’t know that I’ve ever met someone who has done it, or if I have, they’ve not deemed me worthy of sharing The Knowledge with. Really are there any drugs that make people cooler to be around? I have a pretty low tolerance for people spouting off on their crazy experiences with substances, and for most drugs, I’d usually just leave the conversation. We get it – Drugs are cool. But hearing about the time you transcended you physical being and came face-to-face with the Rabbit God is not super enjoyable for me.

What do you think of Eddie Bravo in this clip? I’m vaguely familiar with him as a repeat guest on the JRE, but otherwise he’s a mystery, and this video does no justice in solving that mystery. Jones acts like he’s reasoned himself into another universe. Eddie Bravo took a shortcut and just smoked his way there.

JK: The aforementioned man’s tale of his DMT experience wasn’t so far off from your vague description. “It’s like living in a cartoon maaaaaan…” I’m all about sharing cool experiences as long as the conversation comes about organically. That goes for anything. From riding a roller coaster to the last time you made a quiche. If you’re just spouting this nonsense off randomly there’s a 75% chance I’m not going to follow.

eddie bravo alex jones joe rogan

That’s probably the first time I’ve heard EB’s name but I feel like I’ve seen him on JRE before. Is he just a hype man? Is there anything more you want to be in life? Is that equal to, greater than or lesser than being a 3rd string QB on an NFL team?

I believe it was Steve Buscemi in Mr. Deeds who said; “Time heals all wounds… except these crazy eyes.” That’s how I’d like to summarize this Alex Jones conversation.

CD: Yeah I think Bravo is a pretty highly regarded MMA coach, but I’ve also seen him bust out intense diagrams explaining why 9/11 was an inside job.

To your point, hardcore trippers are really no better than vegans or cross-fitters. All of them tend to miss the temperature of the room and would likely say the same things to you no matter what you said to them.

“Look, man, I’m telling you. By eating meat, you’ve accepted the fact that you hate the planet.” “I’m not saying running is bad for you, but have you thought about doing 150 consecutive squats instead?” 

I’m really glad this clip exists. I haven’t listened to the full episode yet, and probably won’t. This feels like the perfect dose – Like when you have the perfect amount of coffee in the morning, but if you have even a few sips more, you’ll turn into JV Alex Jones.

Until the next time we come across some cool shit on the internet.